Fine but not Mine
Genderqueer (.noun): denoting or relating to a person who does not subscribe to conventional gender distinctions but identifies with neither, both, or a combination of male and female genders.
Get informed // talk to others in the genderqueer community // how to become an ally
(Please correct me if something in this post is wrong or offends you!)
(via mykidsgay)
Calling someone by their correct name/pronouns is not charity. It is normal respectable behaviour, and it should not be a chore.
(via whoneedssexed)
Or rather, how to avoid writing yourself into them! Considering our holiday fundraiser I thought this week would be a good one for a Common Pitfalls article on writing Trans Feminine characters. Here are some things to keep in mind.
Also note, that this week’s article is co-written with Sophia so we could have both binary and nonbinary trans fem perspectives.
- Trans women are not drag queens. Trans women were not “born men.” Trans women are women. Period. Trans feminine individuals that identify as women or partial-women are women. Period.
- Not all trans women are white. Trans women of color are extremely underrepresented in media.
- Being trans is not deceptive and our gender does not exist to bewilder your cis characters, as a comedic device, or for shock value. If it’s being portrayed as such, the character is insulting and contributes to dehehumanization of trans women.
- Cis writers often put self-referential transphobic or transmisogynistic jokes in a trans woman’s mouth. It doesn’t matter if the character saying it is trans, the character can’t reclaim anything because they aren’t a real person, they are a creation and as the author you are responsible for their choices. Do not do this.
- In genre fiction trans women are often associated with shapeshifters, or alien/other. If the only trans characters in your narrative are aliens you are othering and fetishizing.
- We are whole people, complete persons, and your trans fem characters should be too. Trans women and trans feminine individuals are often reduced to their sexuality, hyper sexualized, portrayed exclusively as sex workers, and/or used as tragic plot devices that exist for horrible things to happen to. Do not do this.
- Trans women and trans fem individuals are often put in situations where for their own emotional or physical safety they must hyper-perform femininity. This does not make the gender of those who do not any less valid.
- While there are common difficulties shared with other nonbinary and trans masculine individuals, there are many struggles unique to trans trans fem folks. Trans feminine individuals suffer from transphobia, misogyny, and the ways they intersect in transmisogyny. Those who don’t deal with transmisogyny should not try to write the experience of it, or speak for those who do.
- Do not blame transmisogyny within your narrative on “traditional values” or “lone bigots” address it as the force it is. Don’t foster it off on the hyper-religious or minorities.
We also found an article that we wanted to share - How To Write About Trans Women by Gabrielle Bellot. Before reading it keep in mind that this article is focused exclusively on writing trans women and is sarcastic in tone; highlighting everything one should not do when writing trans women.
You can also take a look at the three previous Common Pitfalls articles here: Nonbinary, Gender Expression and Relationships.
Please feel free to send us your favorite trans authors, a little bit about your favorite trans characters, or any questions or topics you’d like to see me address, too. For some of our new followers, you can find past Writing Trans articles here in the tag.
-Chris & Sophia
This is so awesome and important.
And the award for best post of the year goes to this!
Thank God
A one of these posts that isn’t truscummy.
(via nonbinarycharacter)
Types of Distorted Thinking
This is a shoutout to everyone, but especially those with mental health issues. Everybody on Earth falls into these kinds of thinking habits - they’re ingrained in us through how we’re raised and treated. Persistently hating on ourselves in these ways exacerbates low self-worth and self-esteem, and can make those of us with depressive issues that much more dangerous to ourselves.
All or Nothing - Everything is black or white, bad or good. You either won or you lost. “I could have had this, but now I have zilch. Nada. Zero.”
Overgeneralization - Any one negative event is part of a constant pattern of defeat. “The party was a flop, but all of my parties are flops. I can’t cook, I can’t decorate, and everyone hates me.”
Mental Filtering - No positives are considered. You went for a jog, and saw cute dogs, had an old friend greet you, and found a five dollar bill. But you tripped in a puddle and skinned your knee, so the entire run was awful.
Discounting Positives - Achievements or positive qualities aren’t legitimate or don’t matter. You didn’t get high honours, but you still made it on the honour roll. Too bad, because you were too stupid to be perfect or win what you aimed for.
Jumping to Conclusions - Assuming the worst and mind-reading. “If I tell my friend they hurt my feelings, they’ll swear at me and think I’m a bitch and never speak to me again!”
Magnification / Minimization - Blowing things way out of proportion or diminishing their significance. “If I don’t pass in this assignment I’m going to fail the entire term and have to drop out of school!” or “40% of my mark isn’t that big of a deal. Studying wouldn’t make a difference. It’ll be fine.”
Emotional Reasoning - I feel this way, so I must be this way. “I feel ill, so I’m coming down with something. I’m upset, so I must be depressed. I’m anxious, so I must be having a panic attack. I can’t think straight, so I must be losing my mind.”
Condemnation - “I should have done this! Why didn’t I think of that? If I had just acted differently, things wouldn’t be this way!”
Labeling - “I am bad, I am stupid, I fucked up.”
Blaming - Accusing only yourself, or everyone except yourself.
Find which of these - and there may be multiple! - that you do, and make note of them. When you catch yourself saying awful things about your body or assuming you know what’s going to happen, note that you’re thinking distortedly, and remind yourself that your brain isn’t telling the truth. You may even need to ask someone to help you catch yourself in the act - many people are so used to thinking in distortion that they do it reflexively. This is mindfulness, and has been immensely helpful for me in understanding myself and others.
wow..thanks, i didn’t even know minimization was a thing, that’s something i do a lot and really fucks me over. These are pretty helpful..
(via whoneedssexed)
Christmas can be a difficult time, even without batting mental illness.
Try to be organised. If you haven’t already, sort your presents, wrapping, when you’ll deliver them. Sort out your plans for the Christmas period, when you finish work/school and then what you’ll be doing on each day.
Plan ahead. Make sure you have completed your work and assignments before the deadline. Concentrate on them so you can have a more relaxing Christmas not worrying about it.
Alcohol. Lots of people drink more over the Christmas/New Year period, so be careful of how much you drink; it’s a depressant after all so can make you have low moods, become irritable or even aggressive.
Food. Sometimes in this period, we over-indulge and eat more than usual. If you need control over what you eat, then help out during meal times and serve yourself. Nobody will be watching how much you eat. Enjoy the yummy Christmas dinner.
Stay in touch. Get in touch with old friends, with family, your friends and meet up with them or just have a phone call. It makes you feel good catching up. They can also listen to you and be there for you as well.
Sleep. Our routine over Christmas is normally all over the place. Try to sleep at normal times and wake up when you normally would. Lack of sleep and over sleeping can affect mental health.
- Be aware of what you are worried about, what triggers you, and try to address how you will deal with it before Christmas is here.
- Make time for yourself too, Christmas is about others and family but you are important too. Have your alone time so you aren’t overwhelmed.
- Plan your travel ahead of time, there are normally changes to public transport over the Christmas period so think ahead.
- Christmas isn’t about presents - it’s about family time.
As for New Year: You have almost made it to a new year. Don’t give up now, you can do this. You don’t have to do anything on New Years Eve if you don’t want to, it’s your choice.
Take care of yourself and I hope you have a lovely Christmas. I’m here if you need anything. <3
(Feel free to add more and tag me “imperfectlyxo” and I’ll reblog it!)
(via intlbipolar)
(via itgetsbetterproject)
(Based on this post)
Heterosexual: Door swings one way
Homosexual: Door swings the other way
Bisexual: Door swings both ways
Pansexual: Revolving door
Demisexual: Door is locked
Asexual: Door is actually a wall
So, have you opened your door yet?
Actually, I don’t have a door. I have a wall.
Have you tried giving it a push?
A push? It’s a wall. Pushing on a wall won’t do anything.
I’m sure your door will open once you’ve found the right key.
Walls don’t have locks…
Although maybe you should call a locksmith just to make sure everything is, you know, okay.
Nothing you are saying makes any sense. It’s a WALL.
Maybe yours is actually a pull door. And it’s okay, you know, if your door opens the other way. I’m sure you’ll feel better once you admit it to yourself.
Do you not understand what a wall is?
Did your fingers get caught in the door when you were younger? Because you shouldn’t let a trauma like that stop you from opening your door now.
No my fingers did not get caught when I was younger because IT’S A WALL AND NOT A DOOR.
You know, I don’t mind helping you with your door ;)
… I’m just going to go over here now…with my wall… yeah….
Funniest thing I’ve read all day XD
Yup, still funny!
What would demisexual be like?
(via theasexualityblog)
At least 19 Saudi women won seats on local municipal councils Sunday, a day after women voted and ran in elections for the first time in the country’s history.
General Election Commission spokesman Hamad Al-Omar told The AP that out of 130,000 female registered voters, a staggering 106,000 cast ballots, or roughly 82 per cent.
More than 1.35 million men had registered to vote, with 44 per cent, or almost 600,000, casting ballots.
While critics have tried to claim that allowing transgendered students to use same-sex school facilities is some kind of safety or privacy concern (we’re looking at you Mike Huckabee), a new report shows that there’s actually zero evidence of that being true. None of the 17 largest US school districts’ schools with trans-inclusive nondiscrimination policies have reported a single inappropriate act, harassment, or “negative consequence,” according to a report by Media Matters for America.
In these schools, trans students are allowed into the bathrooms, locker rooms and sports teams of their choice.
In fact, many of the schools within Maine, Vermont, Massachusetts, Connecticut, New Jersey, New York, Washington, D.C., Illinois, Iowa, Minnesota, Colorado, California, Oregon and Washington State say their trans-inclusive policies have improved school safety.
Hopefully this report will push other states to follow suit.
(via feminismandhappiness)